On Valentine's Day 2001, more than 13 years since first trying heroin as an adolescent, I sat in my car, looking at a bracelet my mother had given me that I was about to hand over to a crack dealer. I never used drugs to get high–I used them to get low, to try and get beneath the feelings for which I had no coping mechanism. Over the course of less than four months I sank to literal and figurative places that I had not known possible. And finally, at 26, I had a relapse that would mark the absolute lowest point in my life. There's an addiction to losing, to feeling that low. They said that gambling addicts are really chasing the loss, not the win. I remember hearing someone explain gambling addiction once. Each relapse was increasingly like a game of Russian roulette my ability to function decreased, as did my skill at concealing my addiction.Īnother story to read: I Had No Idea My Husband Was a Rapist With each relapse, I felt like I was a jumping off a cliff, and that cliff got higher and higher each time. But that overwhelming fear (and shame over the damage I had already done) pushed me back into relapsing several times over the following five years.
In the 12-step meetings, we all sorted through the wreckage of our past and–let's be real–our present, too. Fear rose to the surface and overrode every feeling and sensation: I was afraid of using again, afraid of how I could cope as a sober person-of falling back into the black hole of depression, of what people thought of me now that they knew. But as horrendous as the physical detox was (I couldn't sleep for 21 days) the mental, emotional, and spiritual crisis I faced was so much worse. It had been so difficult to get through the first 72 hours of detox, which is a seriously huge barrier for many opiate addicts who are trying to get clean. After treatment, I started attending 12-step meetings.Īt first I felt relieved. I ended things with my fiancé, sparing him the long road that lay before me, knowing I had so very much to figure out. I entered a treatment program, went through medical detox, and then a 28-day inpatient program. They were supportive, but had trouble comprehending how I even got there. Using his top-rated show as a teaching tool, he takes aim at the critical issues of our time, including the "silent epidemics" of bullying, drug abuse, domestic violence, depression, child abuse, suicide and various forms of severe mental illness.Another story to read: How Meth Addiction Nearly Took My Lifeīut at age 23, my fiancé caught me, and the jig was up. McGraw has used the show's platform to make psychology accessible and understandable to the general public by addressing important personal and social issues. Phil show provides the most comprehensive forum on mental health issues in the history of television. Phil uses the power of television to tell compelling stories about real people.
And, how does her mom explain going with her daughter and giving her money for the.ĭr. Phil cameras follow her in search of drugs in Los Angeles before she meets with Dr. A pregnant 28-year-old who uses heroin at least five times a day lets Dr.
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